The Internet - a powerful communication tool

I've got another hearing of my financial settlement at the beginning of April. I'm getting nervous because I know that Jay, my ex-husband is still questioning Pip's disability. During our last hearing, in October, the judge dismissed his arguments and stated that I was entitled to financial support from him in my own right. Four months on and he is still going back over old ground.

One of the other issues cleared up during the last hearing was the value of the house. We both agreed to a valuation of £200 000 before we left court. Two months later, Jay wrote to the court, demanding a revaluation, because it had just come to his notice that a similar house along the road was for sale for £240 000. The other house doesn't come with a dyspraxic son, who breaks things and wipes him dirty hands along the walls and besides, Jay knew about that house for over a year before the court hearing but no matter.

I went to see my solicitor, the quiet and thoughtful Mr Harker, who suggested I get the house revalued to appease Jay. As I sat there, in his mahogany lined office, an oasis of calm in contrast to the rumble of traffic outside, my mind drifted to the chaos which currently fills Nina's bedroom and the cloying smell of unwashed bodies in Pip's room, 'Do we really need another valuation?' I smiled. But the charming smile of a middle-aged woman doesn't sway Mr Harker 'He's repeatedly demanded one and you don't want to delay the settlement any longer' he declared in his no-nonsense way. That was settled, I had to have the house valued within the week.

I went home and mentioned it to Nina, who was rushing through a flurry of final essays for her exams. 'I can't tidy my room this minute, I've got an essay to hand in for Friday!' I reassured her that estate agents don't run a 24 hour emergency call out service and I could book the valuation for the following Monday but she would need to tidy her bedroom over the weekend. The weekend was 48 hours away and teenagers don't have long memories, she waved my worries away with the flick of her hand, reassuring me it was all going to be OK. But I knew it wouldn't be, I still had Pip to confront.

Pip's taxi drops him off at the top of the drive and we can hear Pip before we see him, as he runs down the drive, bursting into the house exhausted and breathless from the exercise of running the short distance. I listened to his news, taking care to show elaborate interest in his problems, then I broached the subject 'I have to get the house valued next week, I need you to tidy up all the things on your floor. Would you do that for me?' He immediately exploded 'You mean someone is coming into our house to look at it? Will they go in my room?' 'Yes,' I soothed 'but don't worry, they will only pop their head round the door, they won't be long.' 'But you said no one else would come round again the last time that they came round. You lied! Why are you doing this when you know I don't like people in the house? I can't trust you! You lie!' 'I have to get a valuation, your dad's questioning the last one. He has known about the other house down the road but he's now making a fuss about it. I can't do anything else, I have to agree to the valuation. I'm sorry, I wouldn't have troubled you but I have to do this. It won't take long and they will come round when you are at school. You won't notice.' But he wasn't convinced and I couldn't calm him, so he rushed off to the computer to send his dad an email. I hoped against hope, his father hadn't seen him for five years, he might be feeling particularly generous, he might have mellowed in the intervening years, his new wife might see the upset in Pip's email and help Jay to understand that this was important to Pip. The next day I was brought back to reality with a thump. Whatever Jay had been doing in the intervening years, it certainly wasn't mellowing. The email was terse and to the point. He was taking me to court to get a financial settlement, he was giving me over a thousand pounds a month and the valuation was a legal obligation. I could feel the anger rising in me as Pip told me; Jay had always been dishonest but now he was excelling himself. I had taken him to court, he was giving me the statutory minimum amount of child maintenance, which the judge had said was insufficient and was certainly well below a thousand pounds a month and the valuation was at his repeated insistence, in spite of his previous agreement. I calmed myself down to speak to Pip but it didn't matter, he was still angry that his father was demanding the valuer came round.

In the past, I have always tried to lessen the effect of Jay's edicts, demands and selfishness, patiently trying to explain to the children that Jay has mental health problems, he loves them dearly but just can't show it. This time, I was tired of arguing the case for a man who was quietly trying to stab me in the back, so I left Pip to work his own anger out for himself. He was strangely quiet that night, which I stupidly took to be a good sign.

Pip had a smile on his face when he went off to school the next morning. It was still early, my neck was sore and I hadn't slept well, so I decided that all his problems were over and he was now just a normal teenager. How wrong could I be? When he came home he almost fell over in a rush to tell me his news 'I emailed Jay Asperger one hundred times today. He emailed me back to ask if you knew what I was doing, so I emailed him to tell him he was responsible for me as well, then he emailed back to say that as a responsible parent he was ordering me to stop. Ha, as if I would! Then I signed him up for an estate agents in Jersey, the'll text him every time a house comes on the market. Then I signed him up for another one on the Isle of Man, then one in Derby, then one in Nottinghamshire. Then I signed him up for some brochures about law, then for some hair loss treatment, then some tooth whitener, then some dog food and some cat food, I filled in the form and said he had 79 dogs and 69 cats. Then I signed him up for double glazing. They won't ever leave him alone, they'll phone him up constantly.' I sat and watched the smile on his face but I couldn't accept his behaviour without some admonition. 'I don't think you should have done that,' I muttered vaguely. 'What, sign him up for estate agents in Jersey? He didn't tell me where he wanted to live, so how was I to know he didn't want to live in Jersey? It's a very nice place, I'd like to go there this year. Can we go?' He was so chatty and happy that I couldn't tell him off, which left him with another twenty-four hours in which to sign his father up to yet more adverts. But by then, Pip's other parent had got wind of what was happening, annoyed that his command had been ignored, he threatened Pip, telling him he would regret his actions and accusing him of being manipulative and bullying. That raised my anger further, Jay was clearly now living in a parallel universe, where Jay floated on a cloud, with gossamer wings sprouting out of his back, secure in the knowledge that he never bullied or manipulated. Jay was beginning to scare me, yet again.

Two days later Pip emailed me, with a copy of an email from Jay, again threatening Pip. It was attached to an email from the Jersey estate agents, outlining the information which Pip had applied for. I emailed a calm, caring and reassuring email to Pip, taking responsibility for his behaviour and assuring him that he wouldn't get into trouble. I didn't need to, Pip was jubilant about the response, he had nettled his father, the Jersey estate agent had received his application and the tooth whitening kit would be in the post. But Jay has never lost a battle. What he lacks in common sense or empathy, he more than makes up for in amorality, self interest, determination, dishonesty and naked aggression. That night, I begged Pip to stop the harassment. He was cheerfully upbeat 'I hate him, he's mean, he lies, he used to make you cry and he used to kick you, which was wrong. But I've signed him up for everything I can think of. I've written to him and warned him that if he accuses you of any of this then I will go round to his house and beat him up. He'll be really annoyed in court....................... but he will have really white teeth!'

One of Pip's saving graces is that unlike so many of his friends, he will sometimes listen to reason and so far he has listened to my advice over this. He was clearly enjoying the fun, so I was surprised when he stopped the emails. But it isn't like that for all his friends; I still remember the night when Callum phoned us up. The calls started at nine o'clock and were still going at eleven o'clock. I eventually went to bed and left the phone downstairs. The whole house woke up when the phone rang but common sense told me not to answer, as he was just wanting a reaction from me. By eleven o'clock I suddenly realised that this was a child with both ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome. The Asperger's Syndrome would ensure that he didn't need the response of another human being in order to carry on the prank calling, the ADHD would ensure that he was too hyperactive to stop. At that point I stumbled downstairs and pulled the plug out of the wall, he could carry on calling all night, it wouldn't make any difference to me. Unfortunately, the next morning I completely forgot the excitement of the previous night and it was three days before I began to wonder why the phone hadn't rung for ages.